... and I have fallen off the wagon.
Truth be told, I fell off the wagon in Week 2, but was trying to kid myself that I was doing ok.
The thing is, a friend of mine made a comment to me around this time that I don't believe was intentionally negative, but it got stuck in my head all the same. Round and round it went, and I basically gave up.
I have been beating myself up mentally for the last couple of weeks, and there has been a block of chocolate... one in 5 weeks. While that is good, it doesn't mean I haven't been eating other chocolate... and that is not so good... in fact, I have eaten quite a lot of chocolate in the last couple of weeks.
I have just been eating what I want, and not following the Curves Complete plan at all. I kept coming up with excuses about it all, but the truth is, I lost faith in myself.
I am still trying to find it.
It is so hard to try and get it all right, I do need a plan, I do need routine and right now I have neither. I have been trying to get together an idea of what I want to do for my meal plan, and so far it's really half-arsed. I need to commit to it and get it sorted... but I have no motivation.
I had my weigh in this morning at Curves and spent half an hour talking to my coach (today it was the owner), and she got my head straight. But now that I am home, my head is twisted again. I think my job for this afternoon/tonight is to get my meals planned and watch the videos on the website. Oh and just so you all know, my weight went up... now the heaviest I have been.... 111.2kg! Not cool.
I don't remember how to be patient with all of this... I know I said initally that I don't want to look back, but I do... I miss who I used to be. I miss enjoying healthy eating and I miss enjoying exercise. Right now they both seem so boring and too hard.