Monday 17 February 2014

First Bellydancing Class

I've not long gotten back from my first bellydancing class in 5 years! I had forgotten how much I enjoyed it... and how confused my feet seem to get! haha! There were a couple of tracks where I recognised the music and I had parts of the choreography running through my head, and it made me smile.

As much fun as it was, it made me realise a couple things; I can't look at myself in the mirror. I think I was the biggest girl in the room, and I just couldn't look at myself... I was so embarrassed. I can't believe I actually look like that. We don't have any full length mirrors at home, so it's been a while since I have really looked at myself. I also came to realise how awkward I am around people now... I feel so self conscious and I feel like everyone is staring at me and judging me. I spent most of the class avoiding looking at myself and wringing/holding my hands - something I do when I am nervous or anxious.

The thing that I think is quite odd about me, is that these kinds of things don't usually spur me on or encourage me to lose the weight.  It makes me feel like things are hopeless and that I shouldn't even bother trying. I am really grateful that I have realised this tonight as I have been able to turn it around and I can look at it as a way to make things better as not only am I exercising and doing something that makes me happy, but I am also getting out of my comfort zone and being around other people.

I also realised on the way home that I really think that bellydancing will help with getting my self confidence back. I also came across this on facebook tonight, and I wanted to share (plus I love Drew).


Week 6 Weigh In

So I've just had my week 6 weigh in, although let's be honest, I haven't been sticking to it for 6 weeks.

However, after having the heart to heart with the owner at the gym and doing the hypnosis at night, it looks like something must have clicked because I had a 1.8kg loss this week!! Crazy!!! So I am now sitting at 110kg exactly.


I honestly didn't think that I would have a loss, let alone such a large one!!!


Friday was the worst day last week for eating as I'd had a terrible afternoon which ended in comfort eating.  This along with it being Valentines day meant that it wasn't so great eating wise.

I realised today that I still haven't taken a 'before' photo... I really need to do that!!

Another thing I haven't mentioned yet, and that is that I have signed up to do belly dancing again! My first class is tonight.  I am a little nervous about it all, but it will be good to do it again, I've missed it!

Thursday 13 February 2014

Thank you

I just want to say a big thank you to everyone who has been reading and commenting.  Your help and support has meant a lot to me and has helped me so much.

While my eating habits still haven't been so great, they have been better.  There has still been chocolate and comfort eating, but I have felt a shift in my mindset and I am trying not to beat myself up so much.

Myf suggested making some smaller goals.  So this week I have been focusing on cooking dinner each night, as we have gotten a bit slack with this and there has been a lot of take out.  So far, so good.  We have planned to eat out tomorrow night for Valentines Day, but at least it is planned. I need to come up with some weekly goals I think, something to aim for and concentrate on.

I have also started getting my snacks ready, so I have a couple of days worth ready to go into my bag each day.  Now I just need to work on making sure I eat these and not buy chocolate.

Lunches have been better.  Yesterday I made myself a sandwich when I made the school lunches, and the day before I had Zambreros.  I need to make my lunch for today, and will do that shortly as well as put dinner into the slow cooker.  If anyone has any slow cooker recipes they would reccommend I'd love to hear about them.

Chez has also told me about a hypnosis app which has a lot of different topics, including weightloss, so I have been listening to this the last couple of nights while in bed. I'm not sure if it's working yet, but my mindset is better, so it may be due to that.


I still need to do up my meal plan for the week, but I started watching some videos ont he Curves Complete site this morning, and there are a couple there that are quite good.  I came across this quote which I thought was interesting:

"A journey changes your location
A process changes you"

Basically, it's saying that by planning and putting a process into place you can change, but a journey only changes your location and is short term.

Monday 10 February 2014

So it's been a couple of weeks...

... and I have fallen off the wagon.

Truth be told, I fell off the wagon in Week 2, but was trying to kid myself that I was doing ok.

The thing is, a friend of mine made a comment to me around this time that I don't believe was intentionally negative, but it got stuck in my head all the same.  Round and round it went, and I basically gave up.

I have been beating myself up mentally for the last couple of weeks, and there has been a block of chocolate... one in 5 weeks. While that is good, it doesn't mean I haven't been eating other chocolate... and that is not so good... in fact, I have eaten quite a lot of chocolate in the last couple of weeks.

I have just been eating what I want, and not following the Curves Complete plan at all. I kept coming up with excuses about it all, but the truth is, I lost faith in myself.

I am still trying to find it.

It is so hard to try and get it all right, I do need a plan, I do need routine and right now I have neither.  I have been trying to get together an idea of what I want to do for my meal plan, and so far it's really half-arsed. I need to commit to it and get it sorted... but I have no motivation.

I had my weigh in this morning at Curves and spent half an hour talking to my coach (today it was the owner), and she got my head straight. But now that I am home, my head is twisted again.  I think my job for this afternoon/tonight is to get my meals planned and watch the videos on the website. Oh and just so you all know, my weight went up... now the heaviest I have been.... 111.2kg! Not cool.

I don't remember how to be patient with all of this... I know I said initally that I don't want to look back, but I do... I miss who I used to be. I miss enjoying healthy eating and I miss enjoying exercise. Right now they both seem so boring and too hard.